Thread: Need advice
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Old Jul 27, 2007, 08:23 AM
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Kodi Kodi is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2007
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I guess I’m posting on here because I’m not sure what else to do right now and who to turn to for advice. I was diagnosed (again) yesterday with severe clinical depression. I’ve known it was coming on for a while now but the last 2 weeks have been awful and this week the uncontrollable crying began and just wouldn’t stop. My doc has prescribed Lexapro and now the journey to get better begins. This is not my first episode with depression. I have had several run-ins with it since I was 15. This time is different though. Before I had major life events to blame it on ... divorce, major financial troubles, bad relationships, traumatic family events, etc. I have nothing to blame it on this time. My life has never been better. My husband is wonderful, finances are secure … I’m having a hard time with why this has happened now. Currently, I’m trying to work through what changes I need to make in my life to recover from this … and stay recovered. It’s overwhelming to try to make these huge life decisions when I know my thinking is not quite clear at this time. I’m looking for advice & opinions as much as support. So here it is ...

I’m 35 yrs old and, after being a divorced single mother for 10 years, I married the most wonderful man almost 2 years ago. He is truly my best friend and has become a great father to my 14 yr. old daughter. Unfortunately, 6 months after our marriage, his job started requiring a lot of travel – he’s usually gone for 2-3 weeks and only home for 3-4 days. It’s hard to explain in just a few words but the short of it is that the travel is likely to continue on for an unknown period of time. We also bought a house just a couple of months after his travel started and it’s been hard to keep things running here without him. Soon after that I changed jobs after 13 years with the same company and began working from home … I thought this would make things easier for us but I’m not happy with my new job for a bunch of reasons. There is a lot of stress involved and it requires a lot of self-discipline that I just can’t seem to find right now. Maybe it’s me and maybe it’s the depression … right now I’m not sure which.

Under our present circumstances, my husband has given me the option to quit working for a little while – at least 6 months to a year – while I get better and get back on track. As long as he continues to travel, his income will more than cover our obligations and needs without having to make significant sacrifices. It sounds like the decision should be easy enough but I’m scared - I feel:

1-guilt of him carrying the finances
2-worry over what his family will think (my family would not be an issue)
3-fear of the depression becoming worse … me not sticking to a goal plan/schedule
4-fear that there will be enough money to cover unexpected major expenses
5-worry that his travel will stop and the lack of extra income will create a financial hardship

I’m also worried about how to terminate my employment. I know I could claim FMLA and get 12 weeks but I really do not want to do this. I work for a small company now and I do not want to tie up a position for them not to mention that I have no doubt that they would find a reason to let me go as soon as they legally could. I feel really guilty about leaving this job because it was an opportunity that I had wanted for a long time and I really feel like I have let them (and myself) down …BUT I’m also not happy with what I’m doing so now I really don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life.

1- Do I tell them about that the depression diagnosis is why I’m leaving and hope they understand?

2- Should I not care & just claim personal/family reasons and give no further detail no matter how confused it leaves them or if it burns that bridge? … I’ve only worked for them for 9 months

The tentative plan is to take the 6 months to just get better and healthy again and think about what would be a good career for me. I hate the field that I am in and I want something that will give me some enjoyment instead of it being the only thing that I know how to do. Then, if I’m up to it, start back to school to learn something new.

Am I being absolutely stupid and over-analyzing this? Please send me thoughts, advice & opinions.