yesterday morning when i found out what had happened, i could not have been lower. i went through the entire system of shock, denial, grief, acceptance and really mad in about 15 seconds. then i got numb.

i started worrying about those bills. and it all became magnified for me. it also took me back to three years ago when i lost my house in NM....for those who are new, it's a long story, but it involved my neighbor (who's parent's i had fed) and the federal government. he took my legal description and filled out a warranty deed to himself and his wife and borrowed $kkk on my home.....i had no idea that had happened. when i went to sell it, i couldn't. it was in foreclosure with him and he took bankruptcy. the government got involved and seized my house saying "yes, we know it belongs to Mrs. _______ but his creditors MIGHT have a claim against it"......it was litigation for three years. i couldn't touch it....nothing......yeah, we sued everyone.......judge bundled the cases and we got a pittance. my lawyer even cut his legal fees in half........so he got what came out of the deal. of course, buyers ran like hell.....who is going to try to buy a house that the government seized due to your insane neighbor?

i didn't realize how much that still bothers me til yesterday.....it brought it all back up. betrayal again by someone i've helped.

p.s. my dog, fayeroe, got into the kitchen during the night and ate my last flour tortilla and my last two slices of bread!!!!!! as Gilda Radner said, "it's always something".........i'm not sure that i can make a full pitcher of lemonade yet, but i'm trying. (if a patient asks me to have lunch today with them, i'm definitely going to)

thank you all so much, xoxoxo pat p.s. this might sound silly but one of the things that upsets me the most is that he knew that i was going to buy groceries yesterday.......

and i was .40 overdrawn and he knew that my account was empty!!!! he knew that i was out of milk and all staples......(he ate alot when he was here fixing stuff, etc.) there is a silver lining to that.....what if i had gone to the grocery store and loaded up and my card had been declined?????????? i would have passed out right there in the store.....