I've been so depressed for so long now... I've been depressed for most of the last two years, and this last streak has been unrelenting since early April.

I've been hanging on by my fingernails waiting for my ECT treatments and had to wait over 2 months for them. They've started, but due to overbooking in the OR, these first two are spread out a little over a week apart while the rest are supposed to be 2X/week.

Since the last one I've felt lower than ever and I feel like I'm sinking fast. I woke up this morning feeling suicidal....before I was fully awake and that was my first conscious thought. To be clear, I have no plans or intentions or anything like that, just the feeling.

I just feel soooo tired, and it's so hard to hang on this long. I've been hanging off this ledge for months :-(

Could the last ECT treatment I had have made me worse? Or the drugs they gave me while I was under?

I feel worse since that treatment, but don't know if it was the treatment, the drugs they used for anesthetic or if it's just because this has been going on for so long.

I feel a little desperate because it feels like I have to wait so long for relief. My next treatment isn't till next Friday, then they start Mondays and Fridays after that. My doc says I won't feel better until at least the 4th or 5th one, and that feels so far away.