My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how part XV

Chummy · Sep 13, 2015, 05:18 AM

Dear T

I need you. Or not. You probably can't help me. Talking won't help. It might calm me down a bit, but then when I'm alone again, it won't make a difference. I don't know what to do. I'm getting worse again. And I wasn't doing alright in the first place. I've to wait 5 more days until I finally see you again. But what does it matter.
I'm crying now. I'm feeling so hopeless. I'm suppose to meet some friends later today. I don't want to, but I can't cancel because they rely on me. I can't let them down.
I want to stay here. Everything is too much for me. I can't keep it together.

Possible trigger:

I so want to take all the pills we have here. I want to be dead. Taking all these pills might not kill me, just make me really sick. But I don't care. The urge to take it all is so strong. But I won't do it. I can't.

I can't let my friends down. They're excited for what we're going to do tonight. I'm not. I just have to get through the evening. Trying to not fall apart.

5 more days. How I'm I going to tell you this. I'm not good at talking about this kind of feelings. What I'm I going to do? I just don't know it anymore. Nothing can make me feel better.