I agree with catnip123 ... If you can't bring
yourself to utter it aloud, then print out what
you've written here (or even write it out by
hand on a piece of paper - writing is a powerful
tool for us struggling with mental health issues)
and mail or hand deliver it to your P-Doc.

I'm also going to provide you with a link on a
condition known as Dysthymia - it could be what's
been going on all this time and now that you've
fallen into an even deeper funk, you could possibly
have what's known as "Double Depression".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

I encourage you to not act on the "S" word ... I'm so
glad I didn't succeed, and it did take time, but things
have gotten better and live is worth living and YOU
DO MATTER!

This was written by our own DocJohn for World
Suicide Prevention Day ...

Suicidal? What Van Gogh?s Life Can Teach You | World of Psychology

If all you read are the last two paragraphs, please just
read the last two paragraphs ... The last two paragraphs
SAY IT ALL !!!

I'll close with the following and am sending many
encouraging thoughts your way:

Please don't do it! ... If you do there will be a hole in
this Universe where you're supposed to be and that
will be a very sad thing!

,
Pfrog!