sexual depression
I believe my sexual preference and lack of support from my wife has led to my depression ... I find myself drawn heavily in bondage ... which I think comes from the need to be sexual but not the cause of the sexual pleasure .... I suppose to be from a deep seated guilt about sex ...

I realize this is one sided as I am seeking to have these things "done" to me .... in my defense she has never been very sexual ... I think because of her upbringing ... she finds oral sex repulsive either giving or receiving ... we have mutually agreed to give up having intercourse ... as neither of us has any real desire that way ...

It's not an issue of wanting someone else it is just a realization neither of us are desiring intercourse ... however I do feel a "need" to have an orgasm at least a few times a year or so ...

For several years we had a working arrangement of occasionally "playing" .... but I think it has caused her to lose her sense of self esteem and a feeling of being used ...

She has never expressed any desire to be touched sexually but I think the one sidedness has soured on her

I have for years pleaded with her to seek counseling but she refuses saying they would side with me ... I ask her to chose the T and maybe go alone at first to build a relationship but she refuses ... which leads me to believe there is abuse or other issues in her past she does not want to face ...

leaving or finding a play partner is not going to happen ... As I am "old school" and those options just do not exist ...

I really don't think there is an answer to this question ... mostly just wanted to see it in print as that helps me to distance myself from the pain ... thanks for listening ...
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Tigger loves you

I wonder if self bondage could "accidently" be used as a way to end the "pain" ...