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But in a broader perspective I see alienation in my youth, not having many friends could contribute to this feeling perhaps. Also that my parents split up and my mother talked negatively about sex. Not often but perhaps two or three times, like "being there for my father but not feeling she really wanted". It was though never any violent situations or such.
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Thank you very much for your kind words. I agree with QuirkyGirl99 that your perspective could well come from the past, particularly your family of origin. It seems that your mother expressed an attitude similar to what you are saying. She could have been speaking specifically about your father, but childredn don't make fine distinctions and a girl could internalize and generalize what her mother said, and conclude subconsciously that sex is always about making oneself available for use by a man. Also, I believe that low self-esteem, which I expect would also derive in large part from what happened as a child, can foster a belief that a man could not find you worthy and valuable as you, as SarahSweden, but only as a female body.
I do think that it would be valuable to discuss the situation with a T. But I don't think I would frame it as a purely sexual issue. I think the basic issues are self-esteem and your manner of attachment or non-attachment with others, and I expect these issues express themselves in many parts of your life, not just in sex. Perhaps that perspective would make it easier to obtain therapy.