Lots of times I'm not sure if you're serious or being facetious.
But.
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If I screw up and push people away, rather than talking about my feelings and begging them to give me another chance, I can simply send them some money in exchange for their friendship again.
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Seriously? You want "friends" like that?
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I think I'm worthless if I don't benefit others somehow.
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There are lots of ways to be of benefit to others other than giving them money. I think you know that. You can listen to them, spend time with them, help them in non-financial ways (like with moving or computer repair or helping them to make a decision).
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I want to be in absolute control of my own life and destiny
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No one has that. Except maybe that Faust guy, for a while, and he's fictional.