Hi Purple

I'm not an expert at people or relationships, I can only speak from my own experiences. I wonder how much of your husband's behaviour might be explained by his own sense of self esteem and identity.

When we feel badly about who we are we tend to shut off from other people as a self-defense mechanism. If we withdraw from others, we won't have to justify, expose, or challenge our own feelings which can be more painful than what any other could ever do to us.

Sometimes, we even attack our best friends, which makes us feel even more low, but we don't know how to make repairs and sometimes just give up completely.

People can be very successful in creating a front that we believe is totally who they are. We decieve ourselves with excuses for our behaviour. Communication occurs on several levels simultaneously and words are too ineffective to convey true feelings. Rarely is what one person hears, what another person meant exactly.

There may be several ways to deal with the problem, but not all will be to your liking and some will be more effective than others. I think being honest with yourself is the place to start and allowing yourself to have what you desire in life is the beginning to a happy relationship with others. First you must know what YOU want. Then you can begin to arrange the details tailored to your own needs.

We don't need to force others to do it our way. We make a choice to do it our way ourselves. Some things may fall by the way, and others you will acquire. Hopefully, your husband will make a choice to follow your lead and you can begin to have a happy life together as you intended.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius