Don't be so hard on yourself! You are right to seek help when you feel that way. It's scary and when you aren't used to it it is really scary. Your body has been through a lot going off meds and now ECT is a whole other onslaught for your body.

You can PM anytime you want to talk. I'm nearly always around since I'm too depressed to be doing much of anything right now. If I don't answer I'm probably IP but I don't think that will happen tomorrow which gives me until Thursday and then it will be another round of why shouldn't I be in the hospital with my therapist. I hope that if I'm going IP I'll have enough time to post but it could be chaotic.

Just take care of yourself. This is one of those times in life that you have to be your primary concern for a while but knowing that what you are putting yourself through is for a good reason and that hopefully in a few weeks you'll be feeling better.