Maybe if you have trouble speaking to your pdoc, maybe sit down and write out your thoughts and give it to him/ her to read, just a thought. You are not worthless and not everyone deals with what you do on a daily basis, bp is not an excuse, it is a medical condition that can be treated, but you have to let them help you. Therapy done wonders for me and I know how hard it is to speak what demons that inhabit our brains. To say them out loud is having to realize that it is a reality, BUT once you do you can come to terms with your illness. You can learn and grow and find some peace, maybe not all the time but it can come. I totally agree with wiretwister, be gentle on yourself, your life is precious not just to you, but those that love you. Find something or someone that you can make a priority in your life and just remind yourself that you can get through whatever just for them. It helps me when I want to give up/ in.