Hey, I know how you feel. It's been so many times I've been on here and just wanted to scream "Somebody help me! Somebody be with me! Somebody give me some hope I can believe!" It's so hard in that darkness when all you really want is someone to take your soul and hug it tight and make that pain stop throbbing. And maybe the whole time you're thinking like I did, that even if you get the attention it won't really help, nothing will. And you just keep dragging on for whatever your reason is - you're afraid, you don't want to hurt people, you don't want to leave someone, you want things to be better, you don't want people to think badly of you for it. My last while of struggling life-and-death with it became partly just to say I really did try everything - and I really couldn't be helped. And when I'd truly tried everything my doctors, faith and my own searches had to offer, I tried to kill myself. Obviously it didn't work. I spent the next month in the hospital just waiting, totally planning to go out and succeed in killing myself when I was released. But then the totally unexpected happened. A fresh-out-of-med-school doctor filled in for my normal doctor a week, and he tried something new, something little heard-of, prescribing Ritalin for severe depression. And against my expectations, it worked! My head was cleared, everything felt bright and amazing and free like I'd never experienced before, and now, 1 1/2 years later, I feel the same way. And the way I feel now, the incredible feeling of freedom, is worth it all to me. Seriously! And if I had succeeded in suicide I would have never got the chance to enjoy life and grow as a healthy, whole human being - I would have really missed out.

I tell you this to try to encourage you. You sound like you're in one of those bottomless pits. Know that no matter how hopeless things seem, there really is always hope. I hope you find it soon.

God bless,
Tiffany