feeling kinda bad right now...i felt so good after my T appt and i was so happy that i like him

today i called my boss and left her a message (thankfully she didn't answer) telling her i've decided to go on short term disability

i sat holding the phone before making the call and actually said out loud - she can not hurt me

after the call - even though all i did was leave a message - i was shaky

why do i let people hurt me so deeply...

plus - having made that call i guess also signifies that a decision has been made...there's no turning back....i decided to be in therapy and i've decided to be on disability and i've decided to give up the job i have (because my boss won't hold it)....

i just feel like i've lost so much...again to my craziness...it hurts so much!!! i'm so sad right now...i guess, at least for the moment, i should be happy that i'm crying and not cutting...though i'm sure i'll do that and more before the day is over....

i don't like feeling