Kodi, I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Lets try to take this one step at a time ok? Trying to make all these decisions at once is overwhelming on a good day, never mind when you are feeling low.
1. Guilt over him carrying the finances - That's what a relationship is all about....at times it seems one does more than the other in certain situations. As long as you are doing what you need to do to recover, then it's all worth it in my opinion. When you get back on your feet, then you can go back to work and help with the finances. One hand washes the other so to speak.
2. Worrying about what his family will think - Talk to your husband about this issue. Get his take on how they will perceive you not working. If he thinks they will not be happy with it (not that its any of their business, but I know how families are), is he willing to stand up to them and tell them to back off?? Is he willing to be your strength when you are weak??
3. Fear of the depression becoming worse - This fear can stop you dead in your tracks unless you make a good plan for therapy and medications. Is there a family member or good friend that can help you to keep appointments? Someone who could be your support system when you are having difficulties?
4. Fear of not covering unexpected major expenses - No matter how much money one can make, that is always in the back of our minds. I think in this instance, you may be looking for reasons not to do what needs to be done for YOUR health. There is always a way to get through difficult expenses....lets not borrow trouble right now
If something comes up, you and your husband will deal with it then.
5. Worry that his travel will stop - Another situation as the first. While they are definitely good to think about and possibly plan for, the fear of them should not interfere with you receiving the care you deserve to receive.
As far as the FMLA goes, give it a try. You do not need to tell your employer your diagnosis. A letter from your pcp stating at this time that you should take time off from work is all you really need. It does not need to go into detail. While the FMLA will guarentee you will have a job at the end of 12 weeks, in most states, the employer can hire someone to do your specific job either as a permanent or temporary employee. But, when you are ready to come back, they have to offer you a job of some sort and of equal pay I believe.
Why not take the FMLA 12 weeks and see how you feel then? Trying to decide how things will be in 3 months is impossible. Maybe by then you will be able to return to work, maybe you won't....but decide then, not now.
I understand that none of this should be looked at lightly, but I think maybe your depression and fear are interfering with your logical thinking just a bit. Communication with your husband is vital so that you understand where he stands and vice versa.
The most important thing is that you take care of YOU so that you can continue to care for your family in the future. As far as wondering why you are going through this depression now while your life seems to be going well, it may be from a chemical imbalance in your brain....you have no control over that happening. Please don't kick yourself when you are down hon.....things will work out....they always do!
I wish you well and send you healing thoughts and strength as you work through your issues.
Hugsss
J
And by the way
Welcome to PC! I'm glad you found us and hope you find the support and friendship here that you are looking for!