Today I'm feeling like I have underachieved in a big way. The problem is that I am stable, but I am still underachieving. My wife does all the important things at home. I do very little. I am a co-teacher at school, and I do very little of the actual teaching. I stand on the sidelines waiting for an opportunity to do something constructive. Another teacher was just promoted to lead teacher, and I can't help but think, "I am more qualified than she is." And yet, there she is, in the nice office.

I do have some value, of course, but I have not lived up to my potential. I am at a critical point: with ten years of teaching to go before I retire, I must decide whether to stay where I am, underachieving but safe, or try to find something more challenging.

But here's the problem -- I probably won't take a chance, because I know I am bipolar and can't afford to put myself in a risky situation where I might fail. And failure is no longer an option. When I was young, I could bounce back. But now, at 57, there is very little bounce left in me.

It is probably something we all have thought about at one time or another. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I underachieve because I think that, because I am bipolar, I must be an underachiever to stay safe. I stop myself from taking risks because I can't afford to fail. To make things worse, I can't be creative and powerful and outstanding unless I can have that manic side of me back. But I can't, it's gone. Therefore I miss out on the opportunity to excel and to experience some of the joy of life.