My session went better than I expected so I'm glad I went back in. I read her my letter which talked about ways she hurt me the last session. Then it recapped our relationship the past few years.

She said she had heard good things about the T. I am considering. She reminded me to make sure I don't pick someone like my mother and to not worry so much what someone will think of my feelings. I tend to minimize them.

I told her I had always thought about getting her a gift but felt she wouldn't want to remember me after my last session. She said a gift is not necessary and that she would remember me without a gift.

I told her I was thinking about taking a break and she encouraged me not to take a long one - it would be more difficult to get back into things. She said I might have transference with the next T. but not the intensity I had with her. She said since I don't have it with other women, it was probably mostly due to the timing with my mom. I kept saying but what if you're wrong. She said text me if I am.

I asked her if I could text her when two things happen - my dad passes away (he's 94 next month) and when I forgive my mom. She asked if I would normally text that to someone who has been a part of my life. I said no, I would call. She smiled. I asked so you want me to call you and she said yes. I told her if I see her out, we no longer have boundaries so I WILL talk to her and maybe hug her and she'll have to be ok with that. (I always had an issue with boundaries and wouldn't really talk to her if I saw her) She laughed and said it would be fine. This part probably made it easier to walk away. I will see her around and she hasn't completely cut me off. We live in a small town so it's bound to happen.

I left sad but somewhat relieved. I'm hoping all these crazy feelings will fade away and I will feel myself again. I can handle a little transference but not this intensity. After my little sign from God, I think I'll go with the T. I tried and hope that she can help me process what happened with ex-T. My kids' fall break is in 2 weeks so I think after my session this weekend, I'm going to take a break until after the holiday. I just need some time without therapy. I also hope that by grieving the loss of ex-T. a little before switching, it will keep me from transferring feelings from ex-T. onto new T. like I did from my mom to my ex-T.

Thank you so much for everyone's support!!!