Thanks Ruftin. I wish I could have sleeping pills, but I can't as I'm an alcoholic. I'm always up front right away with psychiatrists about what meds I should be taking and that's part of why I've been sober for 16 years. Ironic about meditation and also , mindfulness - today I had a group that I've been going to for trauma recovery (it's really good and includes mindfuless) and I dragged myself there, which was a major achievement considering my night, but I had to leave as I became overwhelmed and I can't always push myself through tiredness as I get a major episode (again). So I left and came home and slept in the afternoon which will undoubtedly lead me to having another late night. Sigh.......