Dana, I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. I've been in that place, too, where I thought about suicide everyday, although with no plans to do it. The thoughts became an energy drain, but they also became so commonplace that they seemed like a part of me.

I told my therapist last winter about the thoughts, and we did some work specifically about the suicidal thoughts. My meds provider also added low-dose Remeron/mirtazapine to my Cymbalta. I got a lot better and rarely have thoughts of suicide now. It seemed like a miracle to me after thinking of it everyday for years.

Since you're dealing with an MD, I might say to them "Okay, let me start over. I have been having thoughts about suicide everyday/almost everyday for so long that I had decided they were there to stay. Since I didn't have any intention of acting on the thoughts and wasn't making a plan, they weren't at the top of my list.

I've realized lately how draining they are, though, and would like help to get rid of them. It wasn't until I started feeling somewhat better that they even neared the top of my list to ask about. I wasn't intending to be dishonest - they have just become such a familiar part of my life that they're not the first problem I thought to discuss with you.

A second antidepressant was just a suggestion. What I'd like is for you to re-evaluate my meds to see if you can make a change to help this symptom."

If you like your meds provider and want to keep him, I might try saying something like that. If you don't like him that much, I would just find another one. (The above is totally a suggestion - unfortunately I've had experiences where I had to "talk around" a psychiatrist's hurt feelings.)

It sounds like he's feeling a little threatened, either by you suggesting a meds change yourself or by your not telling him about the suicidal thoughts. Most of the therapists and psychiatrists that I have seen have been familiar with the fact that some people have thoughts of suicide every day, often for years. When I've told one that I had this problem, they would generally ask "do you have a plan?"

I don't know if you're run into someone who isn't familiar with this, or if he's just feeling threatened.

I agree with the other poster who said that they didn't think much of Wellbutrin as your primary antidepressant. I think of it as more for mild to moderate depression. You're taking a high dose of it, plus the Ritalin. Is the Ritalin also for depression? Just curious - that meds combo seems aimed at someone who has mild depression with energy/focus problems maybe.

Being on two antidepressants is not at all strange.

I'm glad you came here to Psych Central to get an idea of what other people take and what they think about this problem. Since we get treated by psychiatrists as individuals, until we've seen several of them or talked to other people about their experiences, it can be easy for a doctor to make us feel like we're in the wrong or to intimidate us.