I talked to my crush this morning. While crying a little I said, "You know I'm a lot weirder than you know." She said, "Maybe you're right but I enjoy knowing you and calling you my friend." I said, "Well I say that because things are often black and white with me. So in order for me to get a grip on my attachment to you I am having to step back from you for a while which I started doing yesterday though you probably didn't notice." She said, "I noticed. I am here for you however you need me." I said, "... But not how I want you." She smiled and said, "Right. How you need me." I thanked her and that was that. I still think she's pretty special but I am keeping my thoughts to myself and I'm trying to not give it all too much energy. I'm feeling proud of myself because it was either this or more self hate due to feelings of rejection. That was a source of my suicidal thoughts these past couple weeks.