I was in 5th grade my first time. Had a baseball tournament that day, everyone's parents, grandparents, etc were there to cheer them on while they played except for mine. I had rode the city bus to the park the tournament was being held at and had been told that morning by my dad and grandpa that they would be there. I kept watching the rode to see their car pull up and kept scanning the crowd thinking maybe I just didn't see where they parked or something, and ended up getting my nose broke because I wasn't paying attention to the ball. The way the blood poured out of my nose just felt like such a relief of everything. The feeling was indescribible. After the tournament I had become angry that they didn't even bother to come pick me up while knowing I didn't have money to ride the bus back home. So while walking home I found some broken glass and felt that if I just made a small cut to release some blood that I would feel better. and I was right. After that, it just became something I would do frequently.