I don't know how my bf can live with me. Somedays even I can't live with me. We went out last night, had a good time, came home with a couple of DVDs... and then a wave of depression hit me, really strongly. It took half an hour for me to stop crying, and I was fighting it the whole time. When we went to sleep later, I think I scared him because I was crying out in my sleep, which I've never done before.

He's really good, he holds me, tries to make me smile and turn it around, and knows not to leave me alone when it gets really bad, and doesn't press me as to why this happens (after a year of "I don't know!" answers). But surely everyone has their limit?

I'm so so scared that he's going to get sick of it and go. I don't think I'd hold it against him. I'm trying so so hard to win this time, going to counselling etc religiously, trying to address my thought patterns, improve my self esteem, even seriously considering going to meds (which I'm trying to hold off on as long as I'm still able to go to uni) etc etc, but obviously there's no overnight cure. He's the only boy I've ever loved, I know he won't necessarily be around forever, but if we split I don't want it to be because of my depression....

So how long do I have, do you think? How much can one person take? When I'm not down, we're good. We talk about stuff, hang out, take turns with cooking and housework, I don't think I nag him or anything, our sex life is relatively healthy, and I try to give him as much space as he needs. He probably has to deal with things like last night about once every one or two weeks, since I try to only let him see it when I can't help it...