Hi Dazemaze

It is always better to be yourself and stick by your opinions and follow the hobbies and interests that attract you. You don't have to conform to what other people want.

That a lot of people are hypocritical. Is sad. But being honest and genuine and living up to your values is the way to go.

I believe that you are very talented. You are highly intelligent and express yourself very well.

You cannot predict the future, and you may well get a girlfriend and a really good job.

Since you have been feeling suicidal, it makes sense to see the doctor and to take antidepressants because not taking them when you are in that state is potentially dangerous. Also, perhaps you should see a therapist to get good skills to manage symptoms. I hope and pray everything will get much better for you soon. And that your day will be really good. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis