(((((((((((((((((((gostryter))))))))))))))))))))))))

i think i know how you feel in a way...... my dad always told me i was beautiful and that he loved me but my worst abuser was his friend, and even after he knew about it he did nothing and stayed friends with that "man". i am no doubt angrier at my dad than than at the men who actually abused me, cause my dad should have stood up for me and he didnt. but at the same time i know he loved me. he was just too weak to stand up for me. its only recently that ive been able to admit that he did me so wrong.

how do i reconcile? i havent figured that part out yet. i almost wish my dad had been a terrible person so my feelings could be one sided. but he wasnt. all i can say is i dont feel sorry for loving him, but these days, i dont feel sorry for being angry at him either........ love and hate live in a balance, at least for me. this probly isnt helping you much, my dad is dead and your mom is still alive for one, but its all i can offer, i hope it helps. in any case i'm sorry youre struggling with this. pm me anytime if you need to talk.....