Quote:
Originally Posted by wiretwister
I believe my sexual preference and lack of support from my wife has led to my depression ... I find myself drawn heavily in bondage ... which I think comes from the need to be sexual but not the cause of the sexual pleasure .... I suppose to be from a deep seated guilt about sex ...
I realize this is one sided as I am seeking to have these things "done" to me .... in my defense she has never been very sexual ... I think because of her upbringing ... she finds oral sex repulsive either giving or receiving ... we have mutually agreed to give up having intercourse ... as neither of us has any real desire that way ...
It's not an issue of wanting someone else it is just a realization neither of us are desiring intercourse ... however I do feel a "need" to have an orgasm at least a few times a year or so ...
For several years we had a working arrangement of occasionally "playing" .... but I think it has caused her to lose her sense of self esteem and a feeling of being used ...
She has never expressed any desire to be touched sexually but I think the one sidedness has soured on her
I have for years pleaded with her to seek counseling but she refuses saying they would side with me ... I ask her to chose the T and maybe go alone at first to build a relationship but she refuses ... which leads me to believe there is abuse or other issues in her past she does not want to face ...
leaving or finding a play partner is not going to happen ... As I am "old school" and those options just do not exist ...
I really don't think there is an answer to this question ... mostly just wanted to see it in print as that helps me to distance myself from the pain ... thanks for listening ...
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Twister, I can not fathom this emotional disconnect in relational terms. Marriage and sex aren't a must but a level of intimacy is needed and I also know sexual intimacy isn't just the main part; there is more to it. I think that you have lost even that intimacy from what I am reading here. I am glad that you hold to your "old school" values, I wouldn't recommend seeking fun outside the marriage bed. I am single and have a tough time building a relationship with one woman who is great and having sex with another woman who is my sexual equal and dealing with my feelings of my bi sexual nature; which I haven't explored ever.
I have unfortunately been married and divorced twice, the first divorce was legitimate, she was squandering our money on the casino and then complaining bills weren't paid, drawing me into an argument; she was a bit abusive too. My second marriage ended because I loved my wife and daughter so much I had to get them off the roller coaster I was on, I still love my ex and unfortunately can never go back. I blew up a perfect thing, because I didn't want to put her or my daughter through the pain of seeing me suffer. So I guess I am saying I am no expert at being "old school" that is what I wanted though, with my second marriage.
I don't know what else to say, but hang in there. Don't push her into anything she doesn't want. Try being attentive to her needs, but don't be obvious, woman can sense when we are trying "too hard" and think there is ulterior motives. Just remember the woman you married and maybe remind her of the man she married.
