Thanks guys. I see my T today so we can talk about my grief and substance abuse. The irritability is off the charts so I have been chomping on a lot of Zyprexa too, which helps. I feel a lot of panic and anxiety and my mood is low. I just hope this will pass and another episode isn't on its way. The substance abuse has been going on for 2 months now and is only getting worse. With my T's help I think I can pull back on it and quit. It is a compulsion to be off my face. It is very strong. Will be tough to overcome but I think I am ready to quit now as the pot and alcohol is turning on me and not giving me the same high, instead making me more anxious and low. I have dug myself into a hole.