I don't think it's any sort of betrayal of people in your personal life, if that's what you mean. Yes, I pay my T and marriage counselor, but they also know intimate thoughts and details of my life that, in some cases, no one else does (or very few people do). I mean, at this point, I've known each of them considerably longer than, say, exes I've said "I love you" to. And I feel like there are different kinds of love. For me, it's like, I feel close to them and care about their wellbeing. Well, it's more than that, because I care about a lot of people. I feel like it's sort of indescribable, but I know the feeling when I have it. My MC used a good analogy for the ability to love multiple people. If you love someone, it's like lighting a candle with your own candle. You can keep lighting other candles with it, and they can all stay lit. It's not like you have to blow one out to light another.

I told both my therapist and marriage counselor that I loved them a few months ago. With T, I was discussing the MC stuff and how I felt like I loved him and that I needed to share that. And in the midst of that, I was like, "I feel love for you too," to which she said something like "That's sweet" (not exactly what you want to hear!), but she'd said at one point during that or another conversation that T's aren't supposed to tell clients they love them.

For MC, it was during a phone call where I was worried about some of the transference stuff (paternal and a bit of erotic), like if he knew what I was really feeling, he'd reject me (hello, childhood abandonment issues!) He kept reassuring me that he wasn't going anywhere. At the end of that conversation, I was like, "So, if I love you, is that OK?" And he said it was OK, but that I had awful taste.

Neither have specifically said that they love me, but MC today was talking about how certain things he did while I was going through a difficult time lately showed that he (and T) cared about me. Even though I could tell they both care, it's nice to hear them say it. I feel like they love me, too, at least in some way, though I know they would never say it. Sometimes you can just tell things from people's eyes or how they talk to you. Like, my T, before about 8 months or so ago, I don't recall ever seeing her cry in response to something I was saying. But within the past 8 months, I've seen her tear up like maybe 8-10 times. I've been seeing her 4 years, but I feel like maybe around that point 8 months ago, for whatever reason, it crossed into love for her. And MC, there's just something about the way he looks at me and talks to me that suggests it--and I mean in a platonic sense, not romantic or sexual in any way. Really, probably more paternal than anything (even though he's only 12 years older).