A few months ago, I read an article about intrusive thoughts. It sounds like that is what you are having (although I am not a doctor). I also struggle with intrusive thoughts—often thoughts of self harm. The article said that just about everybody has occasional thoughts like that. So, don’t think you are odd. I use to think I was a little crazy because I had them, but now I see that it is fairly “normal.” The article even said that many people considered the thoughts to be disturbing and used examples of jumping off a bridge or something of that nature.

What really matters is how persistent the thoughts are and whether or not you act on them. A year ago I was locked up in the psych hospital because my intrusive thoughts had started taking over—I was starting to believe them and do them. One day I was in the “padded room” spending some time alone and I had an epiphany—I suddenly realized that the thoughts are just thoughts and I don’t have to act on them, matter of fact, I generally don’t act on them—like for you, you have not detoured into traffic or cut your headphone wires with scissors. For me, the thoughts loss their power over me when I acknowledged them as just thoughts instead of putting so much emphasis on them. My thoughts are not destiny—they don’t have to become real—I don’t have to act on them—even when it seems like they keep coming back.

It is also important that I don’t let the thoughts influence how I feel about myself. Some of the thoughts are extremely negative and if I took them to be the “truth” I would become very depressed. Some of the thoughts seem crazy—just like detouring into traffic—but I don’t let them make me feel crazy because I know I am not crazy. Does that make sense?

Sometimes when I have the thoughts I get a sense of detachment—like I am not really there or things are surreal. But it passes and then same old me is there—nothing about me has changed—I just experienced a thought and that’s it—its over. Please don’t feel like I am minimizing your struggles. I truly understand how disturbing the thoughts can be and how powerful they can feel. After all, I had to go to the psych hospital because of them.

I guess what I am saying is that what you are experiencing is more “normal” than you think and its how you let the thoughts influence you that really matters.