I'd also like to add that I don't think ANYONE who is in the heat of an argument with someone is feeling great empathy for the other person. It's the nature of the moment. Anger triggers feelings of righteousness, resentment, jealousy, and an urge to win in many people, not just people with BPD. I do believe their can be arguments where one person is not engaged with the irrational, angry part of their brain and he/she can be feeling empathy for the person who is losing it, but if both people are sitting in that wild, irrational part of their brain, emoting wildly, then I don't think either one is empathizing with the other person.

I do think that some individuals smolder longer than others before feeling empathy and guilt about what they said or did, and some people are never able to feel empathy or guilt or what was said or done. . . and that includes people with BPD and those who don't have the disorder. I think clumping all people with BPD into category of individuals who lack empathy is pretty simplistic. It is a very individual disorder and is demonstrated very differently in different people. Just my take on things.