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Old Sep 16, 2015, 08:38 AM
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peaches100 peaches100 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2008
Posts: 3,845
Quote:
Originally Posted by unguy View Post
Last week, at the end of the session, the T asked "if I could change one thing in my life, what would it be?" Of course, the things I wanted changed were all impossible to change: sexual orientation, baldness, my body / looks. I got so upset that I had to call the T that night and leave a message. We spoke the next day. Obviously, she said, we can only work on things that can be changed. No kidding.

Met with the T again yesterday. She advised there was very little she could help me with. I am not sure that I should go back and waste my time.

I told the T that I don't want a relationship and don't like sex or my sexual orientation. She brought up changing my thoughts but, having had long-term cognitive therapy before, told her that was a waste of time. Despite all of the positive spin she tries to put on things, everything just goes wrong for me like I am cursed. I've found that changing my thoughts did not improve outcomes. I am not handsome or a great conversationalist and people don't want to be around me. Changing thoughts and, to the extent possible, behavior, cannot alter the behavior of others.

Recently, I have come to the conclusion that I am asexual as I never enjoyed sex much and have been avoiding it for a long time. It appears, however, that T's are not very familiar with this orientation. The asexual community is very small. Generally, people's friends are of the same sexual orientation. I do not fit in in the LGBT community nor with the heterosexual community as I have no mate or kids. The T does not seem to know what to advise. The chances of finding a T who is knowledgeable about asexual issues is very low, even here in the big city.

Hi Unguy,

Your situation sounds really difficult and painful. I can understand why you would feel that you don't fit in anywhere. What I am wondering is, if you don't have any desire for an intimate physical relationship, wouldn't it be possible for you to pursue friendship relationships that don't include that element? Maybe I am missing something, and correct me if I am. But couldn't you view your situation similarly to someone who is single and not looking for an intimate partner? Why would you have to limit your relationships to LGBT groups? Couldn't you make friends with other single people from various walks of life?
Thanks for this!
Inner_Firefly