Hi kittenlover. Welcome to Psych Central. My heart reaches out to you in empathy for all you are going through in grief and depression. Since you are feeling so challenged by the loss and having survivor's remorse, about you living and not your mom, it would be wise to have a safety plan on their own or with the doctors or therapists that are on your team. Many people here seek professional help like therapist or psychiatrist.

Here is more on a safety plan. Psych Central - Search results for Creating safety plan

They also find they can share these feelings at Psych Central and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Anxiety Wednesday at 8PM EDT but I hear is going to be moving to Friday nights at the end of September.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.