I am not understanding this myself. I agree with the above that you ought to have been actually involved - especially with the children as I am to understand was the whole point of you being there. That may be where the sorepoint of pop and weight comes from. You are obviously disappointed but I think you have answered your own question of why did this happen. Personally, I would not have lasted 20 years with this situation.

Okay, as for your weight issues, you seem to realize this is unhealthy. You need to make a change in your habits, which you seem to understand. But, any change must be done for YOURSELF not to please others.