I just totally overdid it. And I'm feeling even worse than I have been feeling because I'm exhausted and overstimulated and it feels like the depression is just taking over and I can't even fake my way through small things anymore.

My brother (who has Asperger's and can be rather loud and grandiose which is hard for me to cope with when I'm not doing well) came down to make supper for my mom's birthday as a surprise. I really wanted to support this as his doing this is a huge step for him. And it's only a few hours and anyone can do a few hours right? Ha.

3 hours was all it was and part of that I went to the store for milk. I did ask him to talk more quietly once and he tried. But it's not really in his control and I know that; it never has been. But I am completely drained. Exhausted and overwhelmed and the depression feels like it is wrapped around my whole body and is squeezing now so that I can't breathe. I tried so hard to eat the dinner and couldn't even really succeed with that because my appetite is long gone.

I should have left. I should have given up. But I'm tired of feeling like depression is winning. Tomorrow I have therapy again and then my annual physical. So tomorrow probably will again require superpowers to survive, ones that I don't have right now.

4 more days until I see my pdoc...