First and foremost, Scarlet, you're allowed to have your feelings, and your therapist should absolutely not be mean to you on the phone for having them. It's not okay for her to mess with your appointments this much.

I know you're struggling to let people in, but I think the lesson should be: let people in who deserve it, not any old person who accepts you as a client.

Therapy takes two people to work. If your therapist is not who you need, trying to let her in is just a recipe for disaster.

I'm about to say something so sexist I should probably kick myself for saying it (and I thoroughly understand it if it makes people reading this feel a bit stabby), but have you considered a male T? My personal experience is that men are often more consistent, less likely to be 'mean' because you say something they don't want to hear, plus, they can often be very nurturing. I've personally found my male Ts to be way more engaged and caring than the female ones I've tried. Other people's mileage will no doubt vary.

Either way, male or female T, you deserve way, way more than this. If I were you, I'd be T shopping again.