Interestingly, this came up with my T today. Reposting what I put in the "Dear T..." forum:

"Dear T, I kind of wish you'd responded better to my comment about feeling unconditional love from you and MC. I know you probably are nervous about my using the word "love" because you've said before that T's shouldn't tell their clients they love them. But if it's that I'm "feeling" loved, that's not that same as you saying you love me. And why would it be so awful if you loved me and I knew it? We've known each other 4 years--it's not like I just met you. Yes, there's a bit of maternal transference, but nothing too intense (at least not like with MC). Why couldn't you have just gone with what I said? It just felt like an awkward opening to the session...And I feel weird about it now, like you're trying to hold me at a distance. Yes, I know, boundaries, blah blah blah, but can't you just be the person rather than the T right now? And hope you're not horrified at how open MC was about caring about me (regarding both you and him). Yes, he didn't use the word "love" but I felt it coming through in his voice and his eyes. I don't see why that's such a bad thing..."

I ended up sending her a kinda long e-mail about it. She responded, saying she was talking about the concept of "unconditional love" and was sorry if I misinterpreted her reaction in a negative way. She did say she was "glad I felt cared about and loved and that this is healing for [me]." And that she didn't want to undermine that and was sorry if I "felt hurt or deflated." And that we could talk more next week.

It's nice that she apologized about the understanding. However, it also would have been nice if she'd said something like, "Of course I care about you" or something to that effect. I don't expect her to use the "L" word with me (even though I think she does feel that, at least on some level). It's just weird how my marriage counselor is clearly OK with saying that he cares (as he said yesterday--I'm going through a rough period emotionally right now) and telling me things like he won't reject me, isn't going anywhere, etc. And he knows I have fairly strong (mostly paternal) transference for him, but seems fine in dealing with that and supporting me through stuff (even though he's my marriage counselor, not individual counselor). I guess it's just a difference in therapy styles? Or a comfort/discomfort with transference? My T has also said she hugs some clients but wouldn't hug me because of my transference because she doesn't want to strengthen it. (Not that MC hugs, but he does shake hands--T doesn't touch at all.) There have been times I've wanted to ask her for a hug but didn't want to deal with the rejection...