I could have written your post.

I've had mother-figures in my life since age 5 with my kindergarten teacher. I would cry when my mom took me home. There was also my modeling teacher at age 5. In elementary school there was the taxidermy teacher (all I know is she had all kinds of dead animals). In jr. high it was my counselor. In h.s. it was a bunch of teachers. In college there were my counselors. In church there was my mentor and two other older women. And then there were several of my Ts.

My parents rarely touched me. I don't remember being touched, kissed, or hugged. I didn't have a relationship with my mom; she hated me growing up. I didn't have a relationship with my sisters. I was always with my dad, but quietly playing under his desk. And I rarely had friends.

Now, I have worked on my relationship with my mom. We are now best friends. But it's too late. She can't mother me.

I've learned that nothing will fill that hole my mother caused. Maybe, as some people on here say, I need to fill that hole myself? But I know for sure no one else can. So I try to stay away from motherly relationships. They're not healthy for me. They enable me and keep me stuck in those feelings. For me, it's just best to not have any more mother-figures.