dear t: i am the most in crisis as i have ever been since you have known me tonight. i am not sure what set it off either. yeah all the stress with buying the house /moving and stuff at work well tonite h and i went to son's school for senior parents night, they had college reps there and were giving information about graduation and senior pictures and ordering caps & gowns and getting college scholarships and it was so noisy in there and i don't know what happened but on the way home I started crying these big ol' alligator tears and couldn't even speak to h what was wrong
i don't know what caused that thought to come up, why thinking about my son leaving home and going to college triggers huge feelings in me are they abandonment feelings? is it because i don't know what is going on in my head but i need you right now SO MUCH. i wish i could call you but i won't let myself. i didn't even want to come see you tomorrow because i was feeling so stupid about still needing you but now i need you a lot and tomorrow's session can't get here soon enough. i'll probably sleep it off though and not want to come anymore by tomorrow morning. i'm a mess. yeah.