I don't know. I'm feeling worse than when I went IP before. I am going to fight as hard as I can to see my own pdoc (who I haven't seen since a few days before I went IP) on Monday before going in. Ideally I need to wait another week after that because of my cats. I've arranged boarding for them but it is so far from ideal for my old, sick girl compared to having my mom spend several hours per day with them. Since either of the 2 treatments I am planning to talk about will mean being away for a while (ECT could be about 4 weeks) I'm terrified that she will die while I'm gone.

It may be that my pdoc will have something else to try OP first. There are 2 options as far as I'm aware and since she didn't do either last week I'm assuming she doesn't want to do them. One is increasing my MAOI to the highest dose possible but they really don't like to do that for some reason that I forget. I briefly had it up there once but for 6 years they've kept me at the middle dose otherwise. The other is increasing my Seroquel which was pretty useless back in the spring. I suppose she could also bring up another mood stabilizer but I don't know what one. And the APs I can take are all risky for EPS and I can't take that again so soon. So I'm not sure she's going to have a hail Mary this time; I really wish she'd said if she did or not but at this point I asked to not change meds until I saw her so the not knowing what she thinks is my fault.

I basically have no idea what will happen except that I want to discuss those treatments seriously and that I need something soon or the depression is going to get even worse.

Not knowing is keeping me awake and that's not helping anything.

I just don't know. Anything.