I go to school out of state, and I've been at home for the summer. I always come home from the summer. I live with my mom, my brother, and his girlfriend. Money has always been tight because my mom had an injury and can't work.

We get food stamps, but only 80 dollars a month, and my brother is "in charge" of them so to speak because he is the only one who drives. He hasn't even been telling me when he goes grocery shopping, so he doesn't offer to get me any food, and instead he just buys him and his girlfriend what they want to eat, leaving me to have to buy all my own food. Then if I try to eat the food he bought (with food stamps) he freaks out because it's "his" food. I like to cook, so I often make things, and he has no problem eating the stuff I make (that I bought with my own money) and then even if I tell him not to eat it, he does anyway.

Our water broke a couple days ago, and I was the first one to talk to a plumber about it, and he told me 325 (I just wanted a rough estimate) so when I told my mom, I offered her 100 dollars towards it thinking my brother and his girlfriend could and SHOULD pitch in the rest (or even 100 each and my mom could do 25, whatever) but then my mom found a cheaper plumber for only 150, so she didn't give back my 100 and got the other 50 from her mother. I feel like she should have given me back most of that money and made them pay some of it too. I am in college and totally support myself, no one ever ever ever helps me when I'm there, and so I was here and something bad happened and I tried to be nice and offer to help, but instead I ended up paying for almost all of it, with no one else in this household helping at all. The plumber is here right now.

Another thing is that we are supposed to pay rent to stay here (because money is so tight, and I understand, I don't mind) and my mom made mine be 75 a month because she knows I have way more bills to pay than the other two, so theirs is 200 a month. I have paid mine, and my mom bugged me nonstop for it when I got my very first pay check because she wanted to buy cigarettes (I hate that she smokes) but because my brother and his girlfriend "couldn't" find jobs (which really translates to they were too lazy to get up and find a job) they haven't paid her ANYTHING this summer.

I've worked really hard all summer, and now I only have about 200 dollars saved up because of all the expenses. I don't know if I should tell my mom how I feel about this or just figure what's done is done. I'm leaving on Tuesday so I don't know if it's pointless, but I am building up even more resentment to living here. I hate it. I want to tell her, and then maybe tell my dad when I go see him (which is where I'm going on Tuesday) because he's a lot more well off, so he might help me by giving me some money back. I can' tell him without telling her, though. I don't know how to approach it with her, though.

Oh another thing is my brother and his girlfriend don't really have to support themselves even because they decided to stay in state for college, and therefore get all the schooling paid for PLUS 2000 dollars each extra. I have taken out so many student loans and still have to live on very little just because I wanted to get out of here so badly. I understand when my mom can't help me with money because she is poor, but it's like she doesn't care that I have to go without food for a week sometimes at school. To me the struggle for school is worth it because I really want to get out of this horrible place we live, but it would just be nice if someone would offer to help me once in a while, so I can stop feeling like I'm begging and then getting nothing. And my mom owes me 800 dollars from the past, which I guess I should just get over and expect never to be paid back for.

I guess to make matters worse, even though it's unrelated, I'm in a horrible mood now because I couldn't sleep because I had FOUR nightmares last night.