Hi. I'm a 27 years old men that have been going through a very difficult moment in this time. For the past two years, my life have gone down hill. Well, its not that in my previous years my life was anyhow perfect, but I manage myself to keep it through. Anyway in this two years I have had some depression episodes, mostly because everything and I mean everything its not working at all. My work is not giving me the satisfaction I was expecting, and now I find it difficult to work, because I cannot focus myself. My relationships aren't good at all, in fact I haven't been really never in a relationship. It is not because I couldn't find someone to love me, is the fact that I couldn't manage myself to love them in the same way, and for me is really important to have some kind of feelling between us both. I work as an software developer, and its has been my passion since I was a child, but somehow I don't want to do it in the moment. Going back to where I left, I have felt in love really several times, but they haven't loved me, and I have found myself, imploring them to love me. It's really an irony that I love not the ones that love me but the ones that don't. The people that I got in love with, just decide to treath me like a was a piece of garbage, and I get hurt and feeling even worse than I should. Yesterday I ended up my love dependency from a girl, who definitely decided to tell me that I am not a big deal, and that she hasn't and will never feel interested in me. I decided to step aside, and try to recover myself again. I cannot accept more rejections in my life. Everytime is a rejection and I cannot handle it anymore. My life is really bad in this moment to have to deal with a rejection.

I think this information may help, so I will also post it here. My family is really complicated. My grand father was rich, but the family got broke when he stop working, his daugthers and sons, decided to use the money to only have fun. Trips and everything else. In this moment, I create my own Software company, and out of the blue my family decided to put all their money problems over me. I could leave them with their problems but I don't want to let them fall even more. My mother also has decided to make my life misserable, telling me that the reason that the family is full of debts is because I don't pay them, when they aren't even mine. My mother suffers from OCD, and my entire life has been her not letting me live. My father is just a misogynist womanizer, who only look women for sex, and haven't never really been interested in his sons. When I was 19 to 20 I suffer from sever low selfsteem, and sever depression, I also had suicide tendency because of my depression in that moment. I tryed to commit suicide, but was unsuccesfull on it. But I manage to get over that and even become happier for some time.

In this moment I have no intentions of commiting suicide or anything, but for the first time, I don't have the strenght to fight again for my life. I know that there are more severe cases of depression, but I also would like to recover from mine, so I could help others in similar situations. If you need more information I gladly would give it to you. Thanks for hearing me, and if you have some advice or some words to give, I will be very greatfull with you.