Wow its so nice to hear from people that truly understand the gravity of pain that abandonment can cause..

I was abandoned by a mother i loved very much when i was 16, and left with a distraught and alcoholic father whilst my mum built a new home with my dads ex best pal. All very soap opera like!! It was a horrible time and I was left to totally fend for myself... so i ignored it all, rebuilt a relationship with my mum and supported my dad and myself as best i could.

Obviously this period had repercussions! I have since experienced massive anxiety in relationships and in situations where i am left alone etc... It never got that bad until the last 5 years when I have tried to build long term relationships.... I have experienced mind shattering anxiety, especially bad after things don't work out. Each time i have managed to push it all down, until my last episode where i nearly got back together with an ex, but it crashed down and she decided it was a bad idea at the last hurdle... Since then I fell into a horrible place, fear, anxiety depression etc... I have been told this is all the old hurt screaming to get out, and that i am best to let this happen... I am trying but its a very scary and difficult road.... most of the time I am trying to convince myself this is indeed just a long delayed and needed grieving process, and not the scarier version in which I am permanently broken and losing my ****!

can anyone else relate to that terrifying feeling when it all feels so raw and incredible painful? it is truly a feeling unique to abandonment and terror of being alone.... anger, sadness, fear, anxiety..... all in one powerful package!!