Taking money out of the equation, I'd always hoped my parents would say they love me or that they're proud of me or act like they care at all about me. I've never once heard those words from either of them my entire life. My parents are both very unaffectionate, insensitive people and my dad is emotionally abusive. My therapist says I need to accept the fact that I'll never get the love or affection I want from my parents and to stop expecting them to care. I'm grateful for the money, but writing a check once a month doesn't replace not feeling loved or cared for emotionally.

Putting the money back in the equation, no, they haven't cut me off because I'm still going over there. My parents don't do things for their children to be nice or because they care. There's always a selfish agenda. They paid for my brothers rent and utilities for 6 years while he lived in Atlanta so they could keep him away and so they could keep up the lie to their friends that their son is in Atlanta working. For me, all they care about is that I come over and see them. They don't care if I'm happy. They only care that I come over so they can again, keep up the lie to their friends that they have a daughter who comes to see them every week and pretend they're one big happy family. My parents live in a fantasy world. They're in the situation they're in with my brother because they were in denial for years. They would actually yell at me if I tried to tell them the truth. They'd rather believe the lies.

I guess the forgiveness part is me thinking if I can forgive them, I won't be angry anymore. They say forgiveness isn't for the person who hurt you, it's for you so you can move on. I just don't know how easy that's going to be.