To: Bunnyyap, Zinobia, Penna, Rapunzel, thanks so much for the HEART FELT reply here.
I have done some ACTIVE stuff according to the combination of replys I received from all of you. I JOINED www.flylady.com for one. I got myself a personal mental health appointment and had a meeting.I Got the Book Family Manager written by Kathy Peel. I am looking into all the great info that bunnyyap has on the connected link/book info.
RESULTS:
My house is the cleanest it has ben for some time. My husband sees that I have now peacefully given up the fight, but not given up the attitude that he has to or should help me, there fore in order for ME to lead a less stressed out life, he IS now showing sighns of helping me more, and doing it too. I informed him POLITLEY but FIRMLY that he is NOT married to his mother, he is married to me. So no matter what SHE says about it, it is dealling with ME that you have to concern yourself with, not what SHE says. I mean no disrespect, but I disagree with my mother in law that ALL house work is womans work. He sees me NOT fighting anymore about it, but he sees me not stepping down from the attitude that he should help. I figured if I fight with him about helping me, and he still refuses to help, well than I am the onlly one with the stomach ack and head ack over it. So, I decided to just stop fighting about it, BUT, I will just make it clear that if he wants to GO ON A VACATION with me or go somewhere like a family outing that the house needs to be clean first, or I will not want to go, so if he HELPS me get things done, then we can all go sooner, and I won't be all stressed out on the trip.
The meeting that I had with the head doctor, she said after all these years of marriage, I can't expect to change HIM, but I can still change ME and HOW I do things. If he wines about not having clean socks, and my story to him is that I just don't have the time to FULLY take care of all the laundry, then BUY MORE SOCKS, AND LOTS OF THEM TOO. She said for me to consider getting a GRILL, because MEN love to GRILL. and if I got a grill, My DH would want to GRILL more often, and start helping in the dinner making. She gave me ideas on how to destress myself, take care of ME, and do what I can, then rest. I am not super woman, even if I could win an award for mother and wife of the year, it does not mean that I have to put my expectations so high that the house has to be perfict all the time. If he won't help, oh well, then don'e swet it, just do the most important things in the house first each day, and the rest will get done when they get done. If he complains about something not done, just say "Well, are you willing to clean that area, cause I have ben to busy to do it, so if you won't help, please be kind about your comments to me because I am doing the best that I can doing it by myself"
Joining www.flylady.com was one of the BEST things I have done for our house and our marrage in a long long long time. I FULLY recomend it for EVERYONE, Trust me, please look it up all. Anyway, here I sit in a clean house, a sleeping husband, and a child who is at grandmas, I think I have going to have a big glass of water, then go lay down and rest awhile. Thanks everyone for the help, and OH, by the way, Yes he would love it IF I could stay home and JUST take care of him and our son, BUT, we owe to much on a creadit card writhe. Love Melty_Sunshine

Washable School Glue....yep, that's what I said.