((((((((((((((((silentlyscreaming)))))))))))))))))))

because i've lost so many family members, i have a number of tough anniversarys, one is nov 16th (my mother's death; i feel bad for my sister cause her bday is nov 17th), another just passed, july 10th, my brother's death (and tomorrow, the 29th, would be his bday too), and today is 18 years since my aunt dot's death. on these days i try to remember good times with them, and to remind myself how lucky i was to have them instead of feeling cheated for having lost them too soon. i hope someday your bday will be able to be a good day for you, i'm so sorry it has to be such a hard day with such bad memories. try to tell yourself that your bday is YOURS, not the rapist's....... try to take it back from him, you deserve it. all of us here are your friends and will be sending you bday wishes and positive vibes. please dont hurt yourself, you are worth so much more than that! much love.......

p.s. tranquility, april 12th is also the anniversary of my dad's death........ its a confusing day for me because i have such conflicted feelings toward him...... i loved him very much but he didnt protect me from my abuser and it did a real number on my self worth.......