The first time I told my wife I was suicidal, she got mad at me and hollered "You can't leave me with all this", meaning the problems I was trying to escape would then become hers.

Several years later when I was suicidal again, she made two jokes regarding me killing myself. The first was to make sure my life insurance was paid up. The first one shocked me so much that I still can't remember the second.

She has provided some support at other times and I love her. She has explained herself for these incidents and I accept her rationale (basically she admits that she's afraid plus she doesn't know how to comfort people). But I don't know how to forgive her and move on.

What does forgiveness look like for a non-spiritual person like myself?

Lazarus