Ok this will be long, Ill try to condense everything.

I have Bipolar, Fibro, Insomnia , Hx of csa and rapes , big mixed bag of shyt.

Ok my fibro often causes me to be suicidal when I can not get any relief from the pain. which has lead to many IP stays.

Bipolar Fibro and Insomnia all feed into each other and when one gets hit sideways they whole thing goes downhill quickly. I am sick of having to go IP on a psych ward when I have Fibro pain that I cant handle anymore and I think my only solution is suicide.

So my T and Pdoc understand all this stuff and how it puts me a a huge risk.

I tried to talkto my GP about all this, he use to be a T so he understands the mental illness side, But. his hands are tied as for offering a pain med.... he offered to send to me a pain clinic, I asked will they even do anything? he said doubtful.. Meh.... okay so no point in me going and spending more money I don't have.

My T got pretty pissy about my situation . He agrees that I should not have to go IP psych ward when its my pain causing my suicidal thinking NOT a bipolar problem. My T send him a letter

My GP responded well and seemed to understand that all I really want is something PRN , Not even weekly, just for when I am losing it . He said as long as my husband has control of it and I continue to see my T weekly.

Okay YEAH! right? nope

Yesterday I saw my T and he said he contacted my GP about getting this all set up, Now the GP is waffling .. The laws and stuff here in TN and the entire country are really making it impossible for Doctors to really treat pain , even on something as seldom as I would break down to even take/try it.

So my T said well maybe if we can get my GP to put something in writing on file at my hospital , I live in a tiny town mind you. Hospital has only 20 beds. But if i present to the ER due to my pain making me suicidal ,, the ER doctor could try a pain med ( again one freaking pill is all I am wanting) or he/she could just turf me to IP psych hold, once I walk int he hospital door.. I cant just walk back out.

If my local hospital did shove me IP instead of offer pain releif, i would be shipped out to the closest IP which I despise.. the Pdoc that owns it has god complex.. his place is 85 miles away... The last 2 times I went IP I had my husband drive me 110 miles away to Vanderbilt, But if I funnel through local ER they always send people to the Hellish place, and last time I was there The assshat labeled me BPD because I am not one to just blindly swallow whatever pills are in that cute paper cup a nurse hands you.

So I have a dilemma ...If I am in pain , feeling unsafe suicidal and go to the ER and they wont address my pain and just forced me IP I know I will never reach out for help again the next time I get frantic and I will most likely off myself .

The discussion that followed between my T and I went basically like this.. If I get angry or disagree about IP psych ward and stress I just want to try a pain med, 1 freaking pill, Let me sit in the ER on a plastic chair and see if it helps. If I am told nope he or she could assume I am a drug seeker and honesty if sent IP I will be the most pissed off person on the planet until I am released. which might take a while since I am likely to be very very uncooperative.

I told my T I know that by having this discussion it kind of puts him in a bad position. i have always been honest 100% with him, but I would then feel the need to lie to him , Or he by his license and him just caring for me would have to take steps to keep me safe.

I have always gone IP voluntary. But this situation could cause me to be sent against my will, which I would truly lose it,

Im tired of having to go IP and rack up a huge bill when one or two moderate pain pills might be enough to allow me to get a moments break and I can get back in front of my pain. My pain is always at a 7 . always... I can manage it mostly but when it hits a 9 I start coming unglued and at a 10 forget it.. No rational thought left other than.This.Must.Stop.Now.

There is not a specific test to prove a mental illness but yet its okay for Doctors to fling people on heavy duty Anti psychotics of all kinds and seizure medications or heres some Lithium that might trash your thyroid and kill a kidney or two....Many causing suicidal thoughts and actions.. Right? So why is that okay??? Why is it okay to dismiss a Chronic pain condition that also has NO specific test to prove it , yet giving someone a well studied pain medication on a PRN basis is so off the wall impossible to try?

I am so beyond frustrated. FML