Does your hair behave? Does it look relatively nice and agreeable?

I'd like to learn how to make my hair actually look neat, organized, and you know... polished. Right now it's unruly and sneaky. It escapes barrettes, frizzles itself madly, and generally just squiggles around. I'm afraid that I look unkempt and messy, and I'd like to be able to create a better image for myself (at least for special occasions.)

Here's what I've tried.

1. I'm trying to avoid harsh chemicals. Right now, I wash twice a week with baking soda and diluted white vinegar. It makes my hair feel really clean and nice, surprisingly! I follow up with a tiny bit of Morrocan oil while it's wet, and most of the time let it air dry.

2. I experimented with the blow dryer for the last few weeks. I let my hair air dry about 85% of the way (it's thick, if I try to blow dry it out of the shower it will take HOURS, and still be a mess). This definitely straightened out the wonky bits of hair... yet... amazingly, it still got frizzy and messy.

Once it was blown dry, when I brushed it (even the next day) it was awesome, straight, and lovely. For about 3 minutes. Then... boom! Frizzly and unkempt!

Aside from the fact that the blow dryer doesn't magically make my hair stay unfrizzly, I kind of like the little bit of natural waviness in my hair, I think.

3. Awhile ago, I tried a flat iron (my friend swears by them). I'm not sure that I got the hang of it, and was a bit scared of totally frying my hair.

4. I actually HAVE asked my hair stylist. He tried to show me how to use the hair dryer (see #2!). But, I'm obviously still failing.

I don't need anything fancy, I just want to look a little more polished. Are there any websites or books that helped you achieve this? Or do you just live with whatever your hair decides to do?

Thanks for any advice! (For the record, I'm a female with long-ish hair. There's a lot of it, apparently, though I *think* the individual hairs are considered "fine".)