Quote:
The point of this isn't to whine for sympathy but to point out how much of a freakout I'm going to get if I imply that my mom is the root of my issues. I can see it now - "What are you blaming me for? I never hurt you. I didn't beat you or hang you upside down in closets overnight. I was always there for you, unlike my own mother who didn't care if I lived or died. I didn't abandon you after your father died, I haven't even had a date in 14 years! I'm the only person who even cares about you, and if that idiot [therapist] tries to turn you against me, I'll see them in court!"
I've already had multiple conversations regarding my psych treatment where my mom has implied to me that disagreeing with her is a failure to "present a united front" and is some breach of family loyalty or some crap. This disturbs me, but it only really comes up in this context.
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I'm very sorry for the loss of your father.
My mother used to say that sort of thing also,
protect the family, don't blame me or your father.
The more your mother rails and threatens about your relationship with her, the more obvious and compelling is the need to speak about it in therapy.
First of all, though, I think that this therapy needs to be confidential and not include her. Your T must be rock solid in her/his ethical responsibility to keep her/his mouth shut and not discuss your therapy with your mother. You as well should not throw her red meat by revealing what you might be discussing if it seems to involve "blaming" her.
Really, too, the idea is not to
blame, but to
understand. I'm sure that it was very difficult for your mother after your father died. I'm sure that she has done many good things for you. I have come to realize that my own mother loved me, perhaps as much as she could under the circumstances. Quite possibly your mother has done the best that she could. Nevertheless: to make progress on freeing yourself from your problems, I believe that you will need to see with clear eyes where they came from, and to acknowledge and mourn the pain and losses that you experienced along the way.