Everyone knows about me. I think it spread through my family via gossip and I know it spread through my hometown (gossipiest (new word) place on earth) via gossip although I'm not sure where that came from. I used to have a facebook page where plenty of people did not know (co-workers especially) but after 2 people were really nasty about it very publicly I changed my facebook and only have people who I care about and who I know will handle it kindly as friends. So I don't have everyone I ever knew like most people, just family, a few friends from college or high school and some old co-workers. That works better for me. I have one gossipy person who keeps trying to friend me and I keep saying no. She's due to try again soon in fact.

I do limit what I say. I will talk the politics of disability with everyone I know but only a few people know I was in the hospital recently. If I do ECT or go off Seroquel to start clozaril I'll probably post something so people know because the support can be good. But I'll keep it limited to some extent. Some cousins will know everything and some will know that I'm doing a treatment that requires a longer stay in the hospital.

I do feel shame although I recognize that it is something I don't need to feel and that I should leave behind. But mostly shame is from other things and not from people knowing my diagnosis. (Although I do not go back to anything in my hometown because I don't want to deal with people there, many of whom would be "nice" just to find out enough to gossip about me. Clearly I have issues with where I grew up ).