I am sorry that you are going through this right now, cryingchild.

I wish I could help you. When I used to self-harm, I did it for attention, nothing more, nothing less. I just wanted someone to notice that I was in pain. Unfortunately, once I hurt myself, I'd hide it - so no one ever noticed.

Eventually, I stopped doing it...I wasn't going to get attention for it...and it wasn't relieveing any emotional pain, or making me feel better.

But the underlying cause was the strong need to feel safe, and cared for. I don't know if any aspect of my reasons are similar to yours, but if there is a similarity, it might be wise to look into it with your Therapist or Psychiatrist.

I hope you begin to feel better soon.

((((((Cryingchild))))))

My thoughts are with you.

Take care.