Quote:
Originally Posted by unguy
1. I am not and do not wish to be a surly person.
2. The people who hit on me are looking for sex - not friendship and not love. I have never liked sleeping with strangers I barely know in order to get to know them better. Lately, I've decided to stand my ground. It's not what I want and I'm not going to make the mistake of doing it any more. For me, it does not work.
3. I did not choose to be gay. I don't like being gay. I don't fit in the gay community - my values are different. I don't fit in the straight community. I don't enjoy gay sex. Never did. The problem with being gay is an issue that I am unable to deal with. It is not a life that I want.
4. I was raised to be an asexual caretaker. That's what I became. That's what I am even though the caretaking duties have ended. I grew up denied of affection. As an adult, to me intimacy is a strange world that I don't understand or enjoy. T's try to nurture me but I am no longer a child and they are not my parents. It's a dynamic that is resented and ineffective yet they keep trying and wasting my time. I grew up isolated with no toys or playmates - my parents' believing that I should be raised as an adult from the start because childhood was not necessary. Their experiment has been a disaster for my life. T's can't seem to treat it nor grasp the magnitude of the problem.
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Okay, the surly thing was somewhat of a joke, though I guess it didn't come off at all. What I really mean is that it is possible to behave in ways that people won't come onto you - or are much, much less likely to. Most people aren't being constantly hit on, so there may very well be a different way to present yourself so that you are not so often hit on.
I guess things are complicated by the gay groups which seem to be acting as hookup spots rather than genuine support groups. I can definitely understand that being very alienating.
However, there are lots of places you can go where you won't be hit on. The world is full of people crying out for friendship. What about a hobby largely attended by straight men? You're unlikely to be hit on engaging in that sort of thing. Sport, computers, D&D, those RC planes... I can think of a number of social hobbies that won't involve being hit on.
We can be raised to be one thing and become something else of our own choosing. I hope you can get access to the treatment you want! For what it's worth, I think it is possible to be nurtured as an adult, though I also think it would feel very weird and possibly distressing if you've never experienced it before - and if it's not something you're interested in, then there's nothing wrong with refusing it.